|Don't let this cute face fool you.|
I feel I should stop here, to let everyone know how very much we love Benny, he is a member of our family and we love him very dearly; disgusting drool, farts and acne included.
|Benny at 8 weeks old. The forehead wrinkles, I die.|
However, this is not what I have come here to talk about. Oh no, I am here to talk about the two varieties of mastiffs. You see, mastiffs are wonderful dogs, they really are. They are loyal to their owners, great with kids, awesome guard dogs, and lets be honest it is very nice that Benny only has about an hour of energy in him per day - the other 23 are spent sleeping, eating, drooling and farting. Now, just because they are so wonderful does not mean they are perfect. You see, Benny has this little problem; by little problem I mean epic shitting problem.
|Benny at 6 weeks... we had no idea what we were in for!|
Our dear sweet little Benny boy has some abandonment issues. In that, if he is left alone for .5 seconds he assumes that we have abandoned him forever and acts out by shitting everywhere. Have you ever seen a Mastiff shit? No? Well, let me tell you they are as large and smelly as you would imagine them to be. Our sweet little Benny is 12 months old today, and for the past 12 months he has shit on the floor at least once a day every day. For. the. last. twelve. months. That is a lot of Mastiff poopy.
|Oh no, not me Momma!|
Now you say, hey jackasses why don't you crate train that dog. It is not the dogs fault he is shitting on the floor, it is his stupid owners fault for not training him right. To that I say, 12 months ago I would have whole-heartedly agreed with you, it is the stupid owners fault for not crate training him! This was before we had Benny. You see, we have crate trained sweet Benny; Benny just doesn't give a shit (pun very much intended) if he shits in his crate or not. In fact, he is so cool with shitting in his cage that he will happily roll around in it, get it on his paws and fling it at passerbyes through his cage: yay!
But wait! you say: "You can't just leave the dog in the cage, you have to take him out frequently so he has a chance to go outside." To that I say, how about every 30 minutes for frequently; because yes, that is how often Benny was being taken out. He would even go outside, then come back in and promptly shit in his cage; because apparently that's his idea of a good time. He's an asshole, it's ok you can say it.
|Sidenote: The little turd muffin is also terrified of his dog bed and refuses to go near it or touch it. Thus, our queen size bed holds an ex-lineman husband, a 220 lb. mastiff, and a little Italian wife with nowhere to go.|
Anyways, my point is; Charles and I were at our wits end with this dog, and each other. I was all, "you wanted this shitting machine," and he was all, "well you didn't say no..." (Which ladies, this one is totally on him amiright!?). This continued for about 4 months, until finally we decided to let Benny out of the cage when we were gone, and see if that helped. It didn't, he just shits on the floor, but it's easier to clean shit off the floor than to clean it out of a cage and off the idiot dog. Finally, on the eve of ol' Benny boy's 8 month birthday Charles decided enough was enough, and he was going to reach out to other mastiff owners and find out when and where our dog suffered his severe brain damage.
Turns out, Benny does not have brain damage; he is just the pooping variety of Mastiff. You see, Mastiff's crave human attention, they need human attention; when they don't get this attention they act out in one of two ways - they chew or they shit. We got the shitting variety. That's right ladies and gentleman, because his farting, drooling, and pulsating pimples weren't disgusting enough; we get to add, "takes massive shits whenever left alone for 30 seconds" to the list. Don't worry though, he should grow out of this around his second birthday.....
|Oh don't mind me, I'm just going to come smother you with my love after you pick my poopy up off the floor.|
|You really are lucky you're so cute and loveable Benny boy.|